For Liz, depression and anxiety had become overwhelming. Her thoughts felt chaotic, making it impossible to focus, and the weight of daily life left her exhausted. After trying various treatments with little success, she turned to Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) in hopes of finding relief. Liz shares her diary with us which we have summarized here.
“I just want to get better, and I’ve heard this works,” she recalls from the start of her treatment.
At the clinic, she was met with warmth and professionalism, which reassured her. Her technician, April, carefully explained the process and ensured she was comfortable. The treatment itself was an unusual sensation—not painful, but strange—with the anxiety session feeling like an "ice cream headache" and the depression session described as a tapping or tickling on her head.
The emotional ups and downs of treatment
Like many others undergoing TMS, Liz experienced fluctuations in mood throughout the process. Some days were difficult, filled with exhaustion, headaches, and overwhelming thoughts. At times, she doubted whether the treatment was working.
“Depressed. Woke up really early… once again felt like it doesn’t matter what I do, I don’t have the ability to change things or make things better for myself,” she recalls from the early stages.
But despite these challenging moments, there were small but noticeable shifts. She found herself engaging in activities she had avoided for months—applying for jobs, socializing, and even swimming, something she had thought about doing for over a year but never had the motivation to follow through with.
Signs of change
As the sessions continued, Liz started experiencing moments of lightness and clarity. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel depressed. The treatment, once a strange and unfamiliar sensation, became something she barely noticed. She even joked about how it no longer felt like "Keith Moon practicing on my cranium."
She found herself feeling calmer, more present, and engaged in conversations. Even setbacks, like making mistakes on a job application, didn’t spiral into self-loathing as they once did.
One morning, Liz woke up and felt something completely unexpected:
“I woke up feeling almost interested in being alive.”
It was a small shift, but it marked a turning point. She started exercising regularly, something she never thought she’d manage. The thought patterns that once consumed her seemed to loosen their grip.
A life with new possibilities
By the time she finished treatment, Liz wasn’t sure how much had changed. But then, one week later, everything felt different.
“Feeling happy, contented, and alive—and excited by what life might be.”
Over the following month, she noticed she had more energy and stamina than ever before. She was waking up early, working full days, and still had the energy to go out in the evenings—something she had never been able to do before.
She also found herself following through on healthy habits that had previously felt impossible, like journaling and practicing gratitude.
Reflecting on her journey, Liz describes the experience as a slow but powerful transformation. There wasn’t one single moment where everything changed, but rather a gradual process of small improvements that added up to something meaningful.
“It’s not perfect, but it’s better. And for the first time in a long time, better feels like enough.”
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